The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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