It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
