you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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