Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
