somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
