He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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