just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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