I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
