I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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