is your mom at the bar?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm both gender and math confused
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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