And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
