I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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