Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
