I got chris browned last night
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
