i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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