insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
