I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
