he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
