if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
