do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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