I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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