Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
