I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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