The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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