i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
