your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
