last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
