conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
