fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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