If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
