ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
