Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
