Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
