i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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