You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
