I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
