I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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