2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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