Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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