If i come over, it means nothing
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
