the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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