Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
