I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
