Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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