just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
