Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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