you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
