Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
