when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
