This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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