Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drake has all the answers
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
