He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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