It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was confusing and full of hummus
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
