Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
