He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We are two peas in an std pod
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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