Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
