these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
