Apparently you make a good broom.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
