saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
