watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
