I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
