Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Small penises have feelings too.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
