I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
