i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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