so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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