Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
